Alteration

On December 15th I started 75 Hard with a group of people online. It sounded impossible, but I needed something to help me implement daily commitments that were centered around me. I had no idea that I would be making my NYC winter much more brutal, but in the end, it revived a level of dedication that I had been restless for.

I know that slow and steady is fundamental to reaching my goals. I know that motivation is fleeting, and not something to rely on. My head is filled with useful knowledge, but before the challenge, it felt like my skillset had atrophied. I couldn’t seem to make anything stick. Granted, everything is cyclical and my current rhythm is run by my adorable twin maniacs, but I knew I was ready to get out of my own way. 75 Hard helped indicate the discrepancies between my goals and my behavior, and provide a reminder of how capable I still am.

One daily task of this challenge is a 45 minute exercise outdoors. I chose to walk outside every single day. For those who know how miserable our winter has been, I still can’t believe I did it. The majority of the time, I was out of the door no later than 6 am to get it done. There were days that my phone told me it felt like -6. Some walks were so windy, I swear I caught air. After some time, I crossed a threshold. Eventually after every walk, I was satisfied. It no longer felt like a chore I had to endure. In fact, even though the challenge is over, I continue to wake up early and start my day with a walk.

In addition, reading ten pages a day from a non-fiction book restored my love of reading. I am on my eighth book this year already, and that has not happened in ages. It’s easy to make excuses for things that I want to do for myself. It tends to happen subconsciously. There are infinite other things to care and plan for that are easier to validate. There is more friction when it comes to prioritizing myself. My other goals seem too lofty. My perfectionism (fear and dread) stops me from taking steps forward. This challenge solidified that momentum does not require motivation. Showing up to something when the sparkle has disappeared, and you’re feeling low, is where the work is. You can’t cling to the sex appeal of newness forever. You can’t rely on inspiration alone to take action. Showing up consistently, even when life feels dull, builds confidence. What I needed was to return to witnessing the benefit of what it means to keep my word to myself.

When you’re feeling lost, you might want a grandiose event or opportunity to wipe out the compounding low points you’ve been going through. That’s understandable. Small changes can feel like a slow burn. However, making moves only when you’re riding high, doesn’t set you up for learning how to cope and show up during the boring and tedious moments in between. Those days that feel like nothing is happening. The mornings that you question, what is the point? The nights that end with an overly ambitious vision for the next day to win the race.

This challenge reminded me that I am equipped. I can in fact show up for those in between moments. If you’re someone who has also convinced themselves that only big splashes will bring you peace, I hope this newsletter allows you to recall the times in your life where constant commitment was worthwhile. I hope you remember how good it feels to be reliable to yourself, and not just those around you.

Journal prompts:

• What are you currently avoiding? Why do you think that is?

• Is there a specific area of your life where you have no momentum, and then try to force a big splash (aka a major change)? Is it working? Why or why not?

• What evidence do you have in your life where you made small changes that eventually added up to something substantial?

• What area in your life can you extend grace, in order to begin again?